What started as a blog to alert women to the dangers of Dark Triad types became a book that survivors could hold in their hands as they navigate the treacherous waters of abuse recovery. There are other authors out there with clinical qualifications and years of experience treating survivors.

But I felt a book written by a survivor outlining the journey she took might serve as a unique alternative influence for people trying everything to get through hell. This book shows how, as well as why. My purpose has always been: “If telling my recovery story helps one woman get out of the snare of narcabuse, then it will have been worth the effort”.

Using the parameters of the book and your own lived experience, we will meet each other, not as counsellor and client, but as equals. I will refrain from giving advice that falls outside what is contained in the book, except to expand or clarify what is already written there. I will listen compassionately and I will believe your story.

Book Study Groups are essentially local support groups, run and attended by women who have experienced psychological abuse and the traumatising after-effects, just like you. They are a way of finding people who get it in a way that your friends and family don’t. They, too, should be confidential.

I run a Book Club in Melbourne, Australia, and we are unanimous in agreeing that the relief of being able to talk about what happened to us and the stages of recovery we are going through with people who get it is enormous. We share understandings about people with Cluster B personalities, and swap recovery methods in a supportive, respectful environment without anyone judging us.

Writing the book inspired me to gain professional qualifications as a counsellor, so that I can help as many survivors of this kind of abuse as I can. But for now, I am just a fellow survivor who has made it her mission to help others. I believe we must investigate every possible method of recovery, and understand that my method might not work for you. Mindfulness is not a healing method that gives instantaneous relief from trauma symptoms. It is mind-training to re-wire the trauma brain, and takes patience, courage and dedication. It’s not for everybody.

If you are really distressed or angry and confused and are in the highly reactive stage of recovery, a professional therapist will be your best resource. I can work through the Pendulation technique described in the book with you. But I do not have the skill to relieve you of extreme trauma symptoms at this time. Whilst I may now be an expert in my own abuse and trauma, I cannot make the same claim about anyone else’s.

Yes. Ask your therapist if he/she is happy for you to learn some mindfulness practices from another survivor. Lend her the book or give her this website address. Mindfulness is a skill that can be applied to any technique and co-exist alongside other trauma recovery methods.

I believe we need to work with the rational mind, the body and the subtle or energy body to shake trauma symptoms.

I highly recommend Shannon Thomas’s book, Healing From Hidden Abuse, and Shahida Arabi’s blog and books for understanding the specifics of narcabuse. For understanding mindfulness and Buddhist philosophy, I have made recommendations at the end of each chapter under the heading, Ask The Experts.

I recommend therapists who work with Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (MBCBT), Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC), Somatic Experiencing, Hakomi Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).